Why Sleep Training Isn't the Answer to Sleeping Through the Night
- Shereen Nielsen
- Jun 5
- 9 min read
Many parents are led to believe that for their child to sleep through the night, they need to start with sleep training so their child can learn to "self-soothe".
"Your baby needs to learn to self-settle, then they’ll sleep through the night."
These things are often said with such conviction that parents begin to feel they are the problem for comforting or supporting their child to sleep. But let me reassure you, self-settling does not equal sleeping through the night.
In fact, many babies and toddlers who can self-settle still wake frequently, and many who don’t self-settle can sleep through the night when their needs are truly met.
Instead of focusing on teaching your child to fall asleep alone, we need to look at the bigger picture; the whole child, their environment, their development, and their health.
For a child to sleep through the night, they will need all of the following:
1. No Underlying Issue Interrupting Their Sleep
This is the single most overlooked piece when families are told their child needs sleep training. Yet, it is the most important component of any sleep improvement plan. Sleep isn't behavioural; it’s physiological and biological. If we don't address and manage the root cause of sleep disturbances, they will continue to present.
A child may be woken during the night due to:
Food sensitivities or allergies
Eczema or skin irritation
Reflux or digestive discomfort
Mouth breathing or sleep-disordered breathing
Oral dysfunction impacting breathing or feeding
Nutritional deficiencies
Nervous system disturbances...and more!
So if your child presents with any of these areas of concern, we can see that it's not their behaviour that causes the night wakings, and no amount of sleep training is going to get your child "sleeping through the night".
👉 If your child is waking despite doing all the "right" things, it may be time to explore underlying causes with a holistic practitioner; that's where I can help! You can start by reading my blog on Underlying Issues Impacting Sleep. You can also download my free Underlying Issues Check List to see what might be going on for your child:
2. Confidence and Comfort with the Experience of Sleep
Children learn to sleep in the context of safety, trust, and connection. If your child feels uncertain or fearful about being separated from you at sleep time, their nervous system stays activated, making it harder to fall and stay asleep.
We want to help our children associate sleep with:
Predictability (consistent bedtime rhythm)
Security (a safe, emotionally attuned response)
Connection (feeling seen, soothed, and understood)
This emotional foundation is more powerful for sleep than any technique alone.
If you want to know more about connection and safety for optimal sleep, read my blog here: Optimal Sleep Requires Safety and Connection
3. Satiety: A Full and Nourishing Diet
Babies and toddlers have small stomachs and high energy needs. If they don’t get enough calories during the day, whether through milk or food, their bodies will naturally cue for more nourishment at night.
This often happens when:
Milk feeds are short or infrequent
Solids are offered but not consumed in adequate quantities
The child is distracted during meals or snacks
There’s too much milk close to meals, reducing appetite for solids
While breast milk or formula is the primary source of nutrition in the first 6 months, by 7–8 months, babies begin to need more than just milk to stay full and support sleep. If solid intake is minimal or lacks variety, milk alone may no longer sustain them especially through a full night. Older babies and toddlers may need adjustments to their milk and food balance to ensure their caloric and nutritional needs are met across the day.
Introducing solids too late (past 6.5–7 months), or sticking to fruit and veg without progressing to protein, fats, and iron-rich foods, can cause poor satiety. Babies need more than purées or finger foods made from fruits and carbs. Without key macronutrients like iron-rich red meats, healthy fats (avocado, egg, oily fish) and complete proteins (meat, legumes, dairy, etc.), they may not stay full between meals or through the night.
It’s important to understand that babies under 8 months often cannot be resettled overnight without feeding if they are genuinely hungry. Attempting to "teach" them to sleep through may lead to unnecessary stress and sleep struggles.
Their tummies are still small, their growth is rapid, and their solid intake may not be established enough to carry them through long stretches. In this age group, night feeds are often still biologically appropriate. You can look into how much milk your child needs overnight by reading my blog: Night Feed Weaning
By 9–12 months and into toddlerhood, with solid foods becoming the primary source of nutrition, a child’s intake during the day becomes more and more important for nighttime consolidation.
A child who is well-fed throughout the day with sufficient calories, protein and iron, balanced meals and hydration will be more likely to sleep through without needing a night feed.
However, if any of these elements are lacking, even for a child over 1 year, hunger will still trigger night waking. This is not a behavioural issue but a nutritional one.
4. No Genuine Thirst
Dehydration can also lead to night wakes, particularly in toddlers and older children who may not yet fully understand the importance of staying hydrated throughout the day. When a child experiences dehydration, it can manifest in various ways, including a dry mouth, which can be uncomfortable and prompt them to wake during the night. Additionally, factors such as excessive heat in the room, particularly during the warmer months, or a consistently low fluid intake throughout the day can exacerbate this issue, resulting in frequent night awakenings as the child seeks water to quench their thirst. It is essential to recognise that, in many cases, children who wake up during the night may not just be experiencing a disruption in their sleep cycle; they may genuinely be thirsty and in need of hydration.
Understanding the relationship between hydration and sleep patterns is crucial. This is a relatively straightforward topic to discuss, yet it carries significant implications for a child's overall well-being and sleep quality. If your child is consistently waking up thirsty overnight, it is important to address this need promptly. Ensuring that your child has access to water when they wake (over the age of 6 months) can help alleviate their discomfort and potentially lead to more restful sleep. It is also worth considering the child's daily fluid intake, as many children may not drink enough water throughout the day, especially when they are busy playing or engaged in activities.
Offering water to your child when they wake, particularly in warmer weather or during periods of increased activity, when they're not due for a milk feed, is essential. This practice becomes especially important for children over the age of 9 months, as they may not be as adept at signalling their thirst or understanding their hydration needs.
5. Resettling Skills
This is where the concept of self-settling becomes relevant—but not in the way it's often misunderstood. It’s not just about a child falling asleep independently at bedtime. Instead, it’s about whether your child can return to sleep if they stir or fully wake between sleep cycles.
For some children, resettling might involve:
A cuddle or a quick feed
Gentle touch or a familiar voice
Rhythmic rocking or movement
A known comfort item like a sleep toy or dummy
Children who rely on a specific form of assistance to return to sleep once they've woken, often come to expect that same support each time they wake. While this isn’t inherently problematic, especially if it works well for your family, some parents are seeking longer stretches of uninterrupted sleep. If that’s your goal, gently supporting your child to build resettling skills can be key. With time and reassurance, your child may learn that they don’t always need external help to drift back off, making it easier for them to navigate sleep transitions more smoothly during the night.
You can find out more about self-settling and resettling in my blog: Self-Settling vs Resettling vs Self-Soothing
6. No Ongoing Need for Comfort or Reassurance, But Not Sleep Training
If your child is experiencing separation anxiety, going through a developmental leap, or simply needing more closeness, it’s completely normal for them to wake at night seeking reassurance. These periods often coincide with growth in emotional, cognitive, or physical development, and during times of change or uncertainty, your child may crave more proximity, touch, and comfort.
This kind of night waking is not about forming “bad habits” or manipulation; it's a biological and emotional need. Babies and young children are wired for connection. Their nervous systems are still developing, and when they wake and can’t find you, their stress levels rise. Seeking out a parent is how they regulate themselves. This is known as co-regulation; the process by which a parent helps a child return to a state of calm and safety.
Instead of viewing these wake-ups as something that needs to be broken or ignored, it’s more helpful to reframe them as an opportunity to meet a need. The goal is not to avoid every wake-up, but to respond in a way that’s supportive while still reinforcing healthy sleep boundaries.
For example, you might:
Reassure your child with a quiet word or gentle touch
Use consistent, loving phrases to remind them it's time to sleep
Offer brief comfort, while keeping stimulation low
Create predictable bedtime routines to increase emotional safety
By meeting your child’s emotional needs and maintaining clear, consistent routines, you teach them that night time is safe and secure, and that you're responsive and reliable. Over time, this emotional safety fosters more independent and restful sleep.
7. Strong Sleep Pressure
Sleep pressure is the body’s natural build-up of tiredness that accumulates the longer we are awake. The sleep drive increases throughout the day, creating a “pressure” to sleep. The more balanced this pressure, the easier it is for your child to fall asleep and stay asleep.
When a child has had the right amount of stimulation, movement, and wake time for their age, they’ll naturally build enough sleep pressure to feel sleepy by bedtime. However, several common factors can disrupt this process and result in low sleep pressure, leading to challenges with falling asleep, frequent night waking, or early morning rising.
Factors that can interfere with adequate sleep pressure include under-stimulation, excessive or poor day sleep, too much screen time, lack of natural light exposure and not enough exercise.
To ensure your child achieves adequate sleep pressure to support their night sleep, make sure your child:
has the right balance of nap times and awake time for their developmental stage.
achieves natural sunlight to help set their internal body clock and promote optimal sleep pressure. Aim for at least 30–60 minutes of outdoor time daily, especially in the morning.
expends energy to increase the body’s need for restorative sleep
has limited or no screens at least 1–2 hours before bedtime.
experiences meaningful social and emotional engagement, including interactive play, music, singing, and exploration, to help them feel naturally tired by bedtime.
You can gain more tips for better bedtimes in my free 8 Tips for Better Bedtimes PDF:
8. Well-Balanced Daytime Sleep
Not only are we aiming for optimal day sleep for the biological needs, we also need well-balanced day sleep. If naps are too long at inadequte times of day, this can certainly affect their ability to fall asleep and stay asleep at night.
For example, a 9-month-old who naps for 4.5 hours may not be ready for bedtime but if they only nap for 1 hour total, they may become overtired and wired by evening.
Age-appropriate nap windows, with well-timed wake windows, help the body find a rhythm that supports consolidated night sleep.
You can ensure that your child has optimal day sleep, in both balance, quantity and pressure by downloading your free copy of my Day Sleep Guide:
9. No Over tiredness
Over tiredness is a major disruptor of sleep.
When a child is overtired, cortisol (the stress hormone) spikes, further releasing adrenalin into the system, making it harder to fall asleep, stay asleep, or resettle. It also leads to early waking, night waking, and resistance at bedtime.
If your child is over tired from poor day sleep, or too long of an awake window leading into bedtime, this will always negatively impact their night sleep
The resolution here is the same as above; ensure your child has adequately balanced day sleep to reduce over tiredness so they can be more rested to support sleep cycle consolidation overnight.
10. A Supportive Sleep Environment
Even with all other factors in place, the wrong environment can sabotage sleep.
Things to check:
Light: Is the room dark enough for your child? Even small amounts of light, which are the wrong hue, suppress melatonin production
Noise: Are there too many external environmental sounds? White noise can help buffer disruptions.
Temperature: Is the room cool but comfortable?
Sleep space: Is your child comfortable and safe? A secure sleep space promotes confidence.
Don’t underestimate how much little tweaks to the sleep environment can make a big difference!
If you want to know more about establishing a sleep-supportive sleep environment, check out my blog: Sleep Supportive Environment
Sleeping through the night isn’t a milestone you train a child to reach. It’s the result of nurturing a child’s development, meeting their needs holistically, and supporting their unique journey toward independent sleep.
If your child is waking, it’s not because you’ve failed to teach them to “self-soothe.” It's often because something in their body, mind, or environment still needs support.
Instead of sleep training, focus on sleep confidence, sleep connection, and meeting the conditions that allow sleep to thrive.
If you need some guidance and support for your little one's sleep, I would love to help you. Start by booking in for a free 15 Minute Discovery Call to connect and start exploring your child's sleep disturbances.
Shereen x
I'm Shereen Nielsen, a gentle sleep specialist, specialising in infants and children from birth to 15 years old. With over 9 years of experience, I've assisted over 4500 families in achieving better sleep. Additionally, I serve as a lecturer and mentor, guiding aspiring sleep consultants on their path to certification through my internationally recognised online Sleep Consultant Course.
Phone: +61419820474
Email: hello@shereennielsen.com
Website: www.shereennielsen.com
Facebook: @shereennielsen.sleepconsultant
Instagram: @shereen_gentlesleepcoach
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