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Moving Away from Co-Sleeping: A Gentle and Responsive Transition

Co-sleeping is one of those deeply personal choices that parents make for a multitude of reasons, such as closeness, ease of night feeds, emotional connection, or simply survival during those long, wakeful nights. For many families, it’s not just about where the child sleeps, but how they feel safe and connected. But then there are those families who have resorted to co-sleeping because it's the only form of rest they get.


No matter the reason you are co-sleeping, many parents begin to wonder what happens when the season of co-sleeping starts to feel like it’s coming to an end? Maybe your child is waking more frequently, taking over the bed, or you’re ready for more personal space or improved rest. Whatever the reason, moving away from co-sleeping doesn’t need to be a drastic change or an emotional upheaval. In fact, when done gently and responsively, it can be a natural progression that feels right for everyone involved.


safe co-sleeping

Understanding the Emotional Shift


For both parents and children, co-sleeping provides a deep sense of security. Your child has learned to associate your presence, your warmth, scent, and breath, with safety and sleep. It’s only natural that transitioning away from that feels big.


It’s important to acknowledge that this isn’t just a logistical change; it’s an emotional one too. For your child, it’s about learning that they are still safe and loved even when they’re not right beside you. For you, it’s about trusting that your child can handle a little more independence, while still knowing you’re nearby if they need you.


This process doesn’t have to involve crying alone, fear, or abrupt separation. It can be a slow, supported journey where your child learns to feel safe and secure in a new space, at their own pace.




Setting the Foundation


For older toddlers and preschoolers, before any physical change happens, start by preparing your child emotionally. Talk about the new sleep space in positive and exciting ways, ie “This is your special bed!” or “We’re setting up your special sleep space together.”


Let them be part of the process. Choose new sheets, a comforting night light, or a soft toy that stays with them. This sense of ownership helps them feel more secure when the time comes to sleep there.


If you’re moving your child from your bed into a cot or their own bed, keep the sleep environment as familiar as possible with similar lighting, sounds, and even smells. For example, you might sleep with their comforter for a few nights so it carries your scent when you give it to them.


mum safely co-sleeping with her baby

Moving Away from Co-Sleeping: The Gentle Way


One of the most effective ways to move away from co-sleeping is by doing it gradually. Think of it as widening your child’s comfort zone, one small step at a time.


For Under 2s


For babies and younger toddlers, the goal is to slowly separate the idea of comfort from constant physical contact.


Start by continuing to co-sleep as normal; this helps your child feel secure while you introduce small, gentle changes.


Step-by-Step Approach


  • Step 1: Begin by co-sleeping as usual while establishing a clear bedtime routine. This creates consistency and signals “sleep time.”

  • Step 2: Once your little one falls asleep, gently transfer them to their sleep surface (cot, mattress on the floor, or bedside bassinet).

  • Step 3: When they first wake, continue to co-sleep for the rest of the night; we’re not eliminating co-sleeping, just shifting where it happens.

  • Step 4: Over time, try co-sleeping only after midnight. This means, allowing them to fall back asleep whilst co-sleeping, and then transferring them back to their sleep surface for any waking before midnight. This allows for more independent sleep at the start of the night.

  • Step 5: As they grow used to this rhythm, continue putting them down in their own sleep space after they fall asleep, at every night waking


Once this feels comfortable, you can progress toward laying with them until drowsy, then transferring before they’re fully asleep; a small but powerful step toward independent sleep.


Following on from this, if your little one wakes and needs help settling:


  • Sit close by or lay beside them.

  • Offer calm words, soft touch, or gentle patting if they’re unsettled.

  • If crying escalates, pick them up briefly to help them calm and then place them back down before they are asleep.

  • The aim is to reassure, not remove comfort entirely.


This is about repetition and predictability. Over time, your child learns: “I can fall asleep in my bed, and my parent is here when I need them."



For Over 2s


Older toddlers and preschoolers thrive when they’re included in the process. They have a growing sense of autonomy and with that, comes the ability to understand why changes are happening.


Step-by-Step Approach


  • Step 1: Start by moving the co-sleeping arrangement to their sleep space (e.g., a floor bed, toddler bed, or Montessori setup). You can still co-sleep, but it begins to associate sleep with their environment.

  • Step 2: Once they’re comfortable, begin staying with them as they fall asleep, but leave once they’re asleep. When they wake, return and co-sleep for the rest of the night.

  • Step 3: Progress toward settling them to sleep, or resettling them using the same responsive methods; your presence, gentle touch, and calm voice but with you gradually reducing how long you stay. At each waking before midnight, you should leave the room once they are asleep. Any waking after midnight, and you should co-sleep for the remainder of the night

  • Step 4: Always leave the room once your child has returned to sleep

  • Step 5: Over time, you can gradually reduce how long you stay until they are comfortable sleeping in their own bed.


This method helps your child feel empowered and secure rather than abandoned or confused.

Many families find success by turning it into a special “big kid” milestone: new bedding, bedtime story rituals, and small celebrations when their child spends part or all of the night in their own bed.


mum and baby co-sleeping

Reassurance for Parents


One of the biggest fears parents have about moving away from co-sleeping is that it will harm their bond with their child. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. When you transition gently and with responsiveness, you’re actually strengthening your child’s sense of security.


By respecting their pace, responding to their cues, and keeping connection at the heart of the process, you’re showing them that love and comfort aren’t dependent on physical closeness and they exist no matter where you sleep.


It’s also okay if progress feels slow, or if you take a step forward and then back again. Some nights your child may settle beautifully in their own bed; other nights they might need a little more reassurance. That’s all part of the process, and it’s perfectly normal.



When to Seek Support


If you’ve been trying to move away from co-sleeping and it’s not going smoothly, for example, your child is becoming increasingly anxious, sleep is getting worse, or you’re feeling overwhelmed, then it might be time to seek some professional guidance.


During my one on one consultations, I can help identify whether there are underlying issues that might be making the transition harder. I can then also design a more personalised plan for you and support you through the process and navigate any hiccups that present. With a personalised plan, you can move forward with confidence and calm. If you're interested in a personalised consultation, you can schedule a free 15 minute Discovery Call


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Moving away from co-sleeping doesn’t have to mean tears, resistance, or broken trust. When approached gently, with empathy and understanding, it can be a positive and empowering experience for both parent and child.


You’re not teaching your child to sleep; you’re helping them learn that they are safe to sleep without you right beside them. And that’s one of the most beautiful, secure lessons they can carry into the rest of their life.


Shereen xx



I'm Shereen Nielsen, a certified Sleep Consultant specialising in infants and children from birth to 15 years old. With over eight years of experience, I've assisted over 4500 families in achieving better sleep. Additionally, I serve as a lecturer and mentor, guiding aspiring sleep consultants on their path to certification through my internationally recognised online Sleep Consultant Course.


Phone: +61419820474

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